tattooaaaWhy am I blogging about my experiences? Because I’ve learned a lot over the past 17 years having children who are heroin addicts?  I’ve felt the pain, the worry, the frustration, the anger, the why’s.  Dealing with law enforcement, courts, judges, school officials, prisons,  parents and children, like you may have, has changed me for sure.  For the present and future sufferers, it looks like things are changing.  It wasn’t like this years ago, I fought like a dog for my children and for all of our rights.   Everyone in my family including my ex-husband were all victims of physical altercations, break-ins and stalking and harassing.  I wouldn’t let it hinder my efforts to help my children.  In fact, I knew I had to take action for mine and all addicts and those who love them.  I didn’t hide their addiction, I learned not to blame.  As easy as it would have been to blame the “friend who introduced my son to heroin, I learned not to blame anyone but him for making the decision to try it.  I could have blamed him for my daughters trying drugs after seeing their brother use for so long but I didn’t.  Again, they made the decision to use.  I, like you taught my children all the right things.  They chose to make that fateful decision.  And they will live with that decision the rest of their lives.  They are not powerless.  Powerless to drugs and alcohol, yes, but not powerless over addiction.  My son tried, so hard, to get clean more times than I could count.  I miss him every minute of every day but like I heard another parent say after their sons funeral…”If he had to live the rest of his life suffering, I would rather him at peace.”  That statement helped me get to the acceptance stage of his death.  There were so many questions initially.  The shock in the beginning stages of grief causes you to question everything about their death and the days leading up to it.  I honestly believe my son would have suffered until he died and he did but…not before having the best days of his life.  I got a  tattoo of a text that he sent to a friend hours before his death.  He had told his friend he was clean for a while and closed the conversation saying “I love myself now and my life.” Two hours later he died of an overdose of fentanyl and morphine.  Rest in Peace, my beautiful boy.

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