I spoke to my daughter in jail yesterday.  To say I am disappointed and very sad would be an understatement.  She is once again taking the rap for a bad guy.  This is not the first time but then she was only twenty years old.  This time she was going to cooperate with the Detectives who went out of their way to save her when they saw her bruises.  I received a call from one of them the other day, he said they went to see her and she played dumb.  She was totally uncooperative, acting like she didn’t know what they were talking about.

“Oh, so do they know that nice Tom Smith choked you, punched you, abused you and you’re not the only girl he’s done it too?”

I didn’t answer her calls for a few days because I wanted to calm down but I did yesterday.  I asked her what was up with her replies to the Detectives.  She started playing dumb with me, that really pissed me off.  I said “Why are you acting like this? He choked you, hit you and abused you.”  She replied “Mom, the phone calls are listened to in here.  He’s a nice guy”.  Maybe this was wrong but I then replied: “Oh, so do they know that nice Tom Smith choked you, punched you, abused you and you’re not the only girl he’s done it too?”  She hung up on me.

If this sounds harsh, this is because it’s time for me to be harsh.  I had sent her a book last week about how to break the bond of abusive relationships.  She hasn’t received it yet but she should get it this week.   Since being incarcerated 90 percent of the last 8 years, she has formed a pattern of destructive behavior, very predictable, always dangerous.  It’s always the same, she gets released, spends her first two weeks setting up outpatient, going to parole, going to Social Services, seeing family a lot and going to meetings. She has to buy all new clothes and toiletries.  She is also setting up her Facebook account, Instagram and this time Snapchat too. Parole gives her an 8:00 evening curfew and she cannot leave the house before 7 in the morning.  Parole gives her an 8:00 evening curfew and she cannot leave the house before 7 in the morning.

Within the first week, she is talking to someone new.  A guy, someone she met at parole (violation) or someone a friend told her to write to in jail (violation).  I tell her that is not the way to stay clean and sober.  Focus on yourself for a while, your sobriety, a job, your family, your schooling, etc.  I invite the guy over for dinner so I can check them out.  Right away it’s always the same.  They are bullshitters, bringing something to me, being all quiet and polite.  Complimenting way too much on the dinner.  I’m not an idiot, I call them out to my daughter immediately but I know not to come on too strong.

Within a few weeks after release, she is messing up again.  Not going to meetings regularly, lying about where she is, not hanging out with family, no job hunting until…she uses.  At this point, she usually runs.  Runs from parole runs from me.  She knows I can find her if I try and I have and I did!  Parole has offered rehab but no, she doesn’t want to go.  I keep up the phone calls even though the number changes weekly because she is using an app and doesn’t want to be traced.  I found her location numerous times and called parole to come pick her up unbeknownst to her.  I don’t lie though, I tell her it’s me afterward.  She wants to play, she has to pay.  It’s for her own safety.  I’ve seen the path becoming more and more destructive as she gets older, now she seems to be okay with being hit and choked by a man.  So sad.

So this time, she got picked up as usual and I got the phone call.  But, this time it was different, she didn’t seem remorseful, she seemed hard.  Very matter-of-factly she asked me to fund her commissary, send her clothes etc. Eight years, eight years of this bullshit.  Of course, everything she owns is gone.  Gone with the asshole she was with.  The new iPhone her father bought her, all her clothes, her jewelry her life.

Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.

I’m not insane, I will not do this over and over again.  I asked and she told me she is still talking to this guy.  I told her I understand, you chose your life, go live it but your family will not be a part of it.  So, I’m praying she sees the light after reading the book I sent, praying she gets that epiphany but who knows.  Only God.  I pray to my beautiful son that he looks over his sister and guides her.  I’m praying sweetie and I hope you are too. 

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