Addiction. Deciding to overcome addiction and live a healthy, sober life takes some work.  Still to this day, I will always advocate for 12 step programs.  I was talking to someone the other day, someone who was an active alcoholic for 45 years.  They had finally accepted the “Rooms” and are now an active participant in the sober life.  To hear them say the other day that sobriety isn’t just not drinking or drugging, it is a lifestyle change, was so heartwarming to me.  For years many people I know shunned the idea of the “Rooms” thinking it was a bunch of lowlifes under some kind of spell or something but once they really embrace the program, they become different people.  Kinder, more empathetic, more optimistic and sober!  They find that the people at these meetings are professionals, educators, students, moms, dads, sisters, brothers and friends.  The stories people share never cease to “Wow” the listeners, humbling stories of love and loss, trials and tribulations and support.  They range from teens to 80 plus years, all on the same road, recovery.  You can’t fake it though, you may try in the beginning but expect to be called out.  Not publicly of course but even I can tell if someone is just going because they’re doing their 90/90 or they really want a different life.

I’m writing now to the young generation.  Save yourself years of torment and loss.  Go to meetings, try a meeting a day for two weeks.  Please share your experiences with us.

My youngest daughter is celebrating two years this month!

It seems like a lifetime ago that she was using. She has transformed into a responsible, sober, mother, fiance, daughter and friend.  But, she made the choice two years ago, on her own to change her path.  She did it, brain injury and all, on her own incurring support of friends in the program.  I couldn’t be more proud of her.  I just pray that her sister follows her path when she is released from jail.

I sent my daughter some workbooks in jail so she can work on herself and her demons.  She’s called me numerous times crying, after a meeting or a session with her counselor or even after working the book.  It is pushing her to confront demons that addicts tend to mask with drugs.  She always shrugged off  bad experiences like they didn’t affect her but once she was willing to open up and feel sober feelings, I started to see changes.  It isn’t easy to go back to bad places and experiences but you cannot move past if you don’t acknowledge and work through your pain.  I’m not pushing the program on anyone but just sharing my experiences.  I have met the nicest people there, humbled people (I don’t have tolerance or room in my life for people who aren’t humbled.)  The rooms are filled with love, if you find otherwise, move on to a different meeting group.  You will find your niche and you will find courage, wisdom, happiness and hope.

Please feel free to share your experiences with recovery and your choice of recovery methods.  Praying for us all.

On Point!😢❤️🙏❤️

Kristan posted this on Loving Heroin Addicts Page but I wanted to share it to as many people as possible. Thank you Kristen Langshaw for articulating the life you speak of so truthfully. The life we all know. Always praying ❤️🙏❤️

sometimes being the parent of a child struggling with addiction is like mourning the loss of a child who is still alive but there is no closure. it’s like being helpless… its feeling your heart drop every time your phone rings after 10pm…. it’s sleepless nights laying wondering what you did or didn’t do to cause your child to become an addict… it’s nights of questioning your faith and asking why God would allow this to happen to YOUR child.. it’s feeling angry and defensive when you hear or read comments that you know are about your child… its being a punching bag at times when your child needs to redirect their anger and blame someone… its memories of your child being born and you holding them in your arms for the first time and thinking of the great potential they posses and thinking of all the possibilities of what they will become and praying they will overcome their struggle and get there…. it’s missing when they were little and would come to you for comfort when they were hurt or sad… it’s missing their giggles and cuddles and innocence….its the fear of not knowing what tomorrow will bring…. its holidays that arent as happy…it’s the sadness of knowing that some people will never get to see who your child really was and is… it’s the guilt you feel when someone overdoses and your first thought is thank God it wasn’t my child and the reality of knowing it could of been… it’s being robbed of memories you never got the chance to make… it’s ultimately the fear that they could leave this world and you know that nothing will EVER be the same again and the world would never be as shiny as it once was without your child in it… its begging pleading and bartering with God to please make them better….. its longing to just hold them in your arms and tell them how much you love them and miss them… Most of all its seeing what will eventually happen and not being able to stop it… I’m mourning my child who is alive every single day……

Don’t Try Drugs

My son told me the first time he tried Heroin, he knew he was addicted!!!

It’s a lifetime decision… remember that

The Sky

I was looking at the sky tonight.  It was just beautiful, dark blue filled with bright white stars.  It was truly magnificent.  I think of Danny when I look at the sky, I see him with my Mother, his beloved Grandma, both exempt of disease, pain, sadness, confusion and desperation.  I see them so very happy and in the clouds of Heaven.  Then when I really looked to the sky and noticed the clouds, I realized they weren’t white and fluffy, they were night-time clouds, thin and horizontal, not like I picture the clouds in heaven. The clouds looked close, not far enough to be Heaven.  And I saw the enormity of the Universe, it’s never-ending.  How could Heaven be in the middle of the Universe, it would be too busy, what with asteroids and all, right? Heaven should be isolated and surrounded by beautiful blue skies, the color I painted my sons room when he was a child, and sunlight and those fluffy clouds I wrote of earlier.

Heaven should be isolated and surrounded by beautiful blue skies

Now I realized, that Heaven couldn’t be as I’d imagined all these years.  I have to think about this.  Is the after-life just our souls which I always imagined were visible to other souls, or  are we just feelings of peace, love and happiness shared by others for our eternity.  I always pictured the after-life as I had seen in Italy with the beautiful fresco paintings and Sistine Chapel with everyone floating in soft, white cotton frocks and translucent angel wings.  That looks like a nice place to be but I don’t imagine it’s at all like that.  Do we see each other when we are gone?  Or are we energy and familiarity?  Is anything tangible?

I started writing tonight because I don’t speak out loud to Danny now.  I can’t, it would make it real.  But under this dark blue sky brightened by millions of white stars, I tried.  I don’t even remember what I started with but I remember telling him I knew he was with Grandma so I knew he was happy and I asked him to stay with her.  Then I told my Mom that I know it was meant to be that she and Danny needed to be together, that they were both free (from Alzheimer’s and Addiction) and happy again.  By then I was losing it so I took some deep breaths and put it all out of my head until I composed myself and came back inside.  It was then that I decided I wanted to hear how other people think life after death is or if they even believe there is life after death?

…..for my Mom (my confidant, the wind beneath my wings) and my boy, Dannyboy (my son, my friend, my heart)