I was looking at the sky tonight.  It was just beautiful, dark blue filled with bright white stars.  It was truly magnificent.  I think of Danny when I look at the sky, I see him with my Mother, his beloved Grandma, both exempt of disease, pain, sadness, confusion and desperation.  I see them so very happy and in the clouds of Heaven.  Then when I really looked to the sky and noticed the clouds, I realized they weren’t white and fluffy, they were night-time clouds, thin and horizontal, not like I picture the clouds in heaven. The clouds looked close, not far enough to be Heaven.  And I saw the enormity of the Universe, it’s never-ending.  How could Heaven be in the middle of the Universe, it would be too busy, what with asteroids and all, right? Heaven should be isolated and surrounded by beautiful blue skies, the color I painted my sons room when he was a child, and sunlight and those fluffy clouds I wrote of earlier.

Heaven should be isolated and surrounded by beautiful blue skies

Now I realized, that Heaven couldn’t be as I’d imagined all these years.  I have to think about this.  Is the after-life just our souls which I always imagined were visible to other souls, or  are we just feelings of peace, love and happiness shared by others for our eternity.  I always pictured the after-life as I had seen in Italy with the beautiful fresco paintings and Sistine Chapel with everyone floating in soft, white cotton frocks and translucent angel wings.  That looks like a nice place to be but I don’t imagine it’s at all like that.  Do we see each other when we are gone?  Or are we energy and familiarity?  Is anything tangible?

I started writing tonight because I don’t speak out loud to Danny now.  I can’t, it would make it real.  But under this dark blue sky brightened by millions of white stars, I tried.  I don’t even remember what I started with but I remember telling him I knew he was with Grandma so I knew he was happy and I asked him to stay with her.  Then I told my Mom that I know it was meant to be that she and Danny needed to be together, that they were both free (from Alzheimer’s and Addiction) and happy again.  By then I was losing it so I took some deep breaths and put it all out of my head until I composed myself and came back inside.  It was then that I decided I wanted to hear how other people think life after death is or if they even believe there is life after death?

…..for my Mom (my confidant, the wind beneath my wings) and my boy, Dannyboy (my son, my friend, my heart)

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5 thoughts on “The Sky

  1. Every time I read something you’ve written I’m so intrigued and impressed by how well you are able to communicate your thoughts and feelings and you bring us, the readers, into your very space; feeling all that you feel – thus enabling us to want to offer whatever comfort we can in this uncomforting situation you are experiencing. My heart breaks for the waves of grief and pain you’re experiencing but at the same time we can see the strength and courage of a lioness. Hugs to you always. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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