How many of us have gotten a letter like this? A letter that makes you believe, because your loved one believes this too.  No one enjoys being an addict, addiction is a cruel disease.  Back to the letter…It was sent to me from a Mother who lost her child last year, who suffered by addiction. (Another murder by fentanyl)

Dear Mom,
Hey, what’s up? It is Saturday afternoon at about 2:15. No meetings today so I stayed in bed till like 10:20 then brushed my teeth then finished another book. I just did chest and abs and I’ll do them again later on. Since they called “Rec” at 10 today I didn’t go outside. I’ll go tomorrow.
I’ve been thinking a lot since I’ve been here. About everything, about how I’m done with heroin. And wasting my time and money on it. I don’t know how to explain the changes that I’ve experienced through my little day by day journey here.

I know this isn’t what I was meant for.

I’ve never had a problem doing anything I’ve set my mind too. Yes, sometimes I don’t exactly get it the right way, but I do get what I set my mind to …What I’m getting at is if I stay away from the poison that’s just gonna ruin my life then there is no reason I shouldn’t be able to make tons of money, be happy with myself, and keep good people around me who are positive and want me to thrive and be happy. Lol, even though sometimes I get jealous of people and hope they don’t thrive, that’s something I have to work on. I pray every night, I don’t get on my knees and I don’t even put my hands together sometimes but still I take the time to do it every night. I pray for you, dad, the girls especially, I don’t really pray for me I just thank God for another day and for letting me learn my lesson once again. A lesson I think is definitely teaching me I need to slow down and take a good look at the road I’ve been going down and that it’s taking me nowhere. I also need to thank him for allowing me to only pay the price for these minor crimes and not the many others I’ve committed in my lifetime which I’d probably have to be in jails forever for, lol, but that’s all over now.

I look around and watch people, like the ones like me who have drug problems and like me, they’re all such good people

Sometimes I can’t even understand how they make it to jail, but I know its due to drugs.  I just know I definitely am not gonna continue this path, I’m way too good-looking, nice and caring of others when I’m not doing drugs but when I’m messing up, all that goes away. Well, not all of it but enough to make a big difference. It’s enough to make you, G, grandma and everyone else in my life who is so directly affected by my disease, happy and show you guys the love you deserve.

your son,

2 thoughts on “A Letter of Hope/Followed by Death

  1. I think my own son said most all of this to me. He could have written it. Paul died of an OD of Fentenal/alcohol while at a party. He had just turned 29.
    I’m very sorry for your pain and grief. You are not alone. I pray for all of us.
    I lost my older son Steven 4 years later to depression/ suicide. Survivors Guilt played a part in it.
    I miss them every day. I go to sleep with Thor memories playing like a movie in my head.
    It is a sad way to live.
    I have reinvented myself from a mom with a house full to a wife with just a husband and a dog. The quiet is so so terrible lonely.
    Hugs and prayers.


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